Put on the brakes! Stop the presses! Hold the elevator! I have discovered an entirely new direction for my blog for the remainder of the year…I shall now use this forum to observe the Bizarre, Crazy, Silly and Unknown Holidays 2010 Calendar!
Last week while doing research for my work-in-progress, I stumbled onto a great website (www.brownielocks.com) that lists unofficial holidays for every day of the year. I started reading with some amusement until I reached April 7th, 2010:
No Housework Day.
SOLD! Where do I sign up and why hasn’t this been declared a national holiday with commerative stamps????
So in observance of this should-be sacred holiday, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite housework quotes:
“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” ~Phyllis Diller
“Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.” ~Erma Bombeck
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.” ~Phyllis Diller
“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.” ~Erma Bombeck
“The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they’d never clean anything.” ~Dave Barry
“Excuse the mess, but we live here.” ~Roseanne
”No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor.” ~Betty Friedan
I shall also not interface with a broom, mop, vacuum, washing machine, toilet scrubber, dirty dish, or basket of laundry. I’ll report back later as to whether or not the Earth stops turning on its axis because I don’s wipe the crummies off my kitchen counter for one day. My hunch is…it won’t.
Happy No Housework Day to all!
Your quote collection is always spot on. Love that Phyllis Diller makes the list. Is there a “Go Away I’m Writing” day on that calendar? I’m celebrating that one all this month.
Comment by Wendy Delsol — April 8, 2010 @ 9:01 am
I have a friend with a sign on her study wall that says REAL WRITERS DON’T HAVE GRASS. I’m spending a lot of time turning things that require dividing, deadheading, pruning, weeding, and transplanting into ordinary grass. Once that is done, the sign on my wall may be REAL WRITERS HAVE HUSBANDS WITH LAWNMOWERS.
Comment by Sharelle Byars Moranville — April 10, 2010 @ 6:38 am
Love it, Kali! Let’s lobby for a month in 2011.
Comment by Jan Blazanin — April 12, 2010 @ 12:29 pm
I don’t know if the Betty Friedan quote is going to make it easier or harder to scrub my floor the next time I need to do it, but I’ll definitely remember.
Comment by Janet Clark — April 13, 2010 @ 5:58 am
HAAHAAAHAAAHAA! You’ll never scrub your floors the same, right Janet??!!
Comment by Kali — April 13, 2010 @ 6:44 am
Kali, you’ve done it again! Hurrah! You dig and we benefit from your treasures!
Comment by Roxie Hanna — April 23, 2010 @ 4:39 pm