I have one piece of advice for anyone who visits our house: DON’T STAND NEXT OUR MAILBOX For any reason. Ever.

 Why? This would be why:

Two weeks ago, our mailbox was hit for the FIFTH time in the seven short years we’ve lived here (two incidents were in the same week and two others were by members of the same neighboring family.) The most recent was a vicious attack by a snowplow. Our poor mail receptacle, it seems, has been cursed. Everyone in our family knows the bad mojo it gives off, and we all act accordingly. Run to the box, snatch the mail out, and run away. Fast. No loitering. No dilly-dallying. Wait for the bus on the opposite side of the driveway.

Some days, especially recently, I feel like we’re being smothered by all the broken crap around our house. Like my husband is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I’m Hermey the Elf, and we’re banished to the island of misfit toys (the blizzard outside my window as I type this is a nice touch.)

The evidence of our island existence is mounting.

 RIP dishwasher. You never did live up to your true potential.

Vacuum, while you’re technically not dead, you’ve lost your power to suck. And in a house with three children, makes my life, ahem, suck.

YOU, dear snow blower, have disappointed me most of all. It’s January. IN IOWA. WT*……..????????

I may not be a dentist trapped in the body of an Elf, but I get you, Hermey. I get you…………..

 Totally appropriate quotes for the week:

“There seems to be so much more winter than we need this year.” –Kathleen Morris

“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.” –Carl Reiner

“I’m not going to vacuum ‘til Sears makes one you can ride on.” –Roseanne